Numb
by Death Rider
Summary: Part III in the series.Sequel to 'Whisper'. Jak angsts over Keira's relationship with Erol while struggleing with the abuse he suffered at his hands. And he and Torn share their first kiss.


Disclaimer: Not even gunna say it.

OMG I've strayed from the Evanescence songs! Ah well, 'Numb' by Linkin Park fit better than anything on the 'Fallen' album; for now anyway, I'll get back to them later. And I was getting tired of listening to it anyway. One can only take so much of the same songs for so long. Enjoy.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
_

You're doing it again. Looking at me with disappointment in your eyes.

But you don't understand, what they did to me, what HE did to me I can never forgive.

Never forget

You think me far too changed. You want the old Jak back; well he's not coming back.

He died long ago

Keira you don't understand. You don't know what Erol…

I finally did it, I said his name…

Erol.

The name of the monster in my dreams

You don't know what Erol did to me. No one dose.

Not even Torn.

But I think he has an idea.

The way he looks at me when I wake up after a bad night, I know he's suspicious.

I don't scream anymore. But I cry. He'll sit next to me in bed, puts my head in his lap and massages my scalp until I'm asleep again.

It's oddly caring for a man that treats me like dirt in the day.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
_

But why should you, understand that is

You're practically in love with him

I hate you for that

In your eyes He can do no wrong. The perfect man, the perfect racer

The perfect rapist

That's the real him. He's a lackey for Praxis and he loves it because it gives him the power to do what he pleases.

But you can't see that, too wrapped around his finger to care.

I see you with him and I want to scream.

I try to tell you to stay away from him. That he's bad

You say I'm I have no room to judge because I work for Krew

But there is one thing that separates us.

One thing that puts us on the opposite ends of the spectrum

I NEVER RAPED ANYONE

I'm getting angry again

Need to calm down

_Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take  
_

Curling up in bed I try to sleep

Thoughts are racing, making it impossible

But that's okay, he's slipping in behind me, wraps his arms around me. Hands are making slow circles on my stomach

Lulling me into contentment

Wishing he never lets go

I truly love these moments though they never last.

But that makes me treasure them all the more.

I know what he wants but I can't give it

No matter how much I want to

And I'm grateful he never pushes the matter

That's another reason I think he knows

And he wants me to tell but I don't want to face it

Not now maybe not ever

Oh Keira why won't you listen to me

He's evil why don't you see it

Torn turns me into his embrace so I can bury my head in his chest

So his hands can slip under my shirt to roam my back

It never goes farther than this

If he tries I start to panic

I can't help it but I wish I could

I feel so cold inside

_  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

I wrap my arms around Torn

I wish I could give all of myself to him

I want it so bad, Damn Erol for ruining this

I hate him and I hate you for loving him

God Keira don't make me say 'I told you so'

I don't want to find you body as bruised and broken as mine was

Torn strokes my ear, fingers trailing lightly over the shell making me shiver

He moves closer bringing our bodies flush together

I tense involuntarily; I can feel his hardness against me

But he doesn't do anything more and slowly I relax

He continues to run his hands along my back

This feels so wonderful that I return the favor

Pressing closer

Feel of his skin

Wanting more, always wanting more

Leans his forehead against mine

Close

Breath mingling with mine

My heart is pounding with anticipation

For what I'm not sure

He's looking into my eyes asking permission to continue

_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
you were just like me with someone disappointed in you_

Let my eyes slip close

Move just a little closer

Breaths are coming faster

I won't let the fear ruin this moment

_Torn…_

Cups the back of my head

_Please_

Lips are against mine

Just a light brush over mine

I want, no, I need more

Part my lips

He takes his chance

Tongue sliding against mine

And I can't help but respond

I pull him close as I can

Each glide of his tongue against mine shoots jolts down my spine

Shirts come off

Chest to chest

Heart to heart

Getting too intense

I can't!

_  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
_

I pull away gasping

Torn's face is flushed, eyes glazed

I wonder if I look just as flustered

Small spark of hope

Weeks before I could barely let Torn hold me

Now all I want to do is kiss him until we pass out from lack of oxygen

I lick my lips savoring his unique flavor

Nothing could compare to this

Not even the rush I feel when I kill

Dark, that's what I call IT, disagrees

But I don't care

Elation rushes through me

This is a victory against Erol

I pull Torn into another kiss just to prove I can

I feel him smiling and I can't help but smile back

I can't give him every thing but I can give him this

Take that Erol

_  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be_


End file.
